I hate you, Peloton
I’ve been a Peloton rider for about 5 months now. I started out loving you and now if I were to be honest, we have a love-hate relationship. I feel that it is my responsibility to share my story so people are fully aware of what they could be getting themselves into.
Anything else is just too hard
So the new norm for me is roll out of bed, pee, change and jump on the bike. Anything more than that is considered overhead.
Have I gone for any yoga classes? Nope.
Is my CrossFit 10-pack pass still a 10-pack? Yes.
Did you make me cancel my YMCA Membership? Yes.
Damn you, Peloton.
It’s worse than Netflix
You know how I used to binge-watch Netflix? I don’t have time for it anymore. In fact, I’m totally cheating on TV — I still haven’t started on the latest season of Walking Dead??? I go to bed at 9pm so I can rally for my 5am #zerodark milestone rides? Now, I binge-workout and I have a looonnngggg list of ondemand rides on my backlog. The peloton episodes just don’t stop!!! It’s like never-ending Game of Thrones with no season breaks! Stop it already, Peloton.
My boss is convinced I work for Peloton
I don’t know what it is but I just can’t stop talking about you. I wear Pelo-shwag at work, I blog about you, I’m orienting newbies on reddit, I harass my team at work about it. I sold a stranger at a conference a bike while we waited in line at a booth. I look up at the sky and heck, I see Pelo-cloud wordart.
It’s on auto-pilot. I’m obsessed and I can’t stop. My friends think I’m running some kind of MLM empire and my co-workers even went so far as to make pelo-jo slack emojis and well, this...
I’m so motivated it makes me sick
You know that gal who always had an excuse for not being to do PE? That was me. In high school, I convinced my doctor to write a note to excuse me from PE indefinitely, because of “knee pain”. If anyone would be slacking off at a workout or taking shortcuts, it would be me.But every single day, you find something to push me a little further than I would have otherwise. It could be the amazing instructors, finding new challenges (powerzone!!), music (greatest showman!), my personal metrics, the leaderboard, or riding with my tribes. Other times, it’s ridiculous like when someone posted a picture of Denis Morton’s epic “Queen” hair flip ride. Hours later, I completed that ride 🤦🏻♀️. WTH. Who am I?!?!
You make vacations suck
You know those little blue dots you’re tracking for my workouts? I just can’t stand missing a day and I don’t even know why.
You make me scared to travel. When I went to the mountains for a retreat last weekend, I was so bummed I couldn’t get any reception to do my peloton workouts because I had to reset my 100 day steak. My only redemption is staying at a Westin or one of these AirBNBs.
I’ve had to overhaul my wardrobe
In May, I was an XL. Now, I’m an M. I’ve lost 20 lbs since we started this journey*. What does this mean? All. New. Clothes. Work clothes, causal clothes, workout clothes, my BRAS. Everything $$$$$. Some of those items aren’t even replaceable anymore 😭! Thanks, Peloton. Really, thanks.
*Losing weight is a deadly, unstoppable combination when Peloton is paired with strongerU.com
Our master bedroom has lost its resort feel
Yeah, all of you with your gym rooms, or should I say, Peloton shrine caves. You guys know what I’m talking about. So yes, I have serious envy. Well, I guess I also have bedroom-envy. Time to quit pinterest.
I feel like I’m on crack
I’ve said before. You’re much more than a bike. You’re like a drug. The magic combination of coaching, content and community is what makes Peloton so addictive for me and many others. Heck, if you serve me my favorite crack, I’ll call in sick at work if I have to:
What crack looks like...
Denis Morton + PowerZone live ride + #SquadGhouls tribe
JSS + Epic sing-along live ride + #ZeroDark tribe milestones party
Hi, 🙋🏻♀️ my name is #ShimmySim. I’m a Peloton addict.
I started by saying it’s a love-hate relationship. So here’s the love part. If you’ve already pulled the trigger on the bike, check out the comprehensive newbie guide. You can already start ramping up on your pelo-journey.